Time off isn’t really all that relaxing, at least for me. I have this problem where as soon as I know my schedule isn’t full I go ahead and fill it up!
So, somehow, when I’m supposed to have time off I end up busier than before. So busy that I need time off from my break. Summer vacation is not relaxing for me.
I don’t take time to be lazy, and I don’t go on spontaneous road trips or picnics. Not for lack of wanting to, but I just don’t have the time, even though I’m supposed to be on break. I don’t even sleep in all that much!
If I’m being honest, though, I do it to myself. Whenever my life becomes free of a rigid schedule such as school I feel the need to fill up my time with as many things as possible. It’s almost like I’m trying to cram as much living into a small amount of time as I can. Because during the school year I tend to say no to things, a lot. And my excuse is always because I’m busy trying to keep up with school. So once my schedule is empty (or emptier) I feel like I have no excuse to say no. In fact, I feel obligated to say yes!
I hate to admit it, but I do need some kind of schedule. Even if it’s a self enforced one. Structure, even the most basic form of it, helps me a lot. When I don’t have rigid structure in my life I lose sense of how busy I actually am.
As I am now, my life is a pendulum. It seems to swing between being bogged down by my work life, and being bogged down by my social life. But there is usually a brief moment where I live in perfect balance between the two, and everything in my life runs smoothly.
So let’s say I went out of my way to schedule balance into my life. Let’s say that during the school year I actively schedule time with my friends. And I also actively schedule time to study, and stick to it. And during the summer, next year, maybe I try setting aside some time just for me instead of dedicating all of my time to others.
If I made a schedule and actually managed to stick to it, I would effectively be forcing some balance into my life. Or at the very least some semblance of it.
What would happen then? What would happen if I actually had some balance in my life?
I think that if I purposefully participate in the things that I feel I am ‘missing out’ on during the school year then maybe I wouldn’t be so frantically trying to catch up on socializing every time I get a break. And then maybe I could enjoy my vacations and not end up even more tired by the end of the break. And wouldn’t that just be lovely?
So that’s the goal for the remaining months of 2019. Make a personal life schedule, and stick to it.